A Teenager at 2?!!

Samson is already VERY sassy (not sure where he gets it from). He's already been known to slam doors when angry, tell us to "get outa hewe", and when asked to do something he doesn't want to do he'll say "NO! I'ma famous wace caw!" or "This is a one man show!" (Thank you CARS) (As neither of these really make sense, the important/annoying part is that he has the tone down pat). Anyways, today for lunch he had chicken nuggets, grapes and strawberries. He loves fruit, so that was eaten first. And then here was our conversation:
S- "Tan I have mowe gwapes pease?"
M- "Eat your nuggets first, okay."
S- "Okay, okay, OKAY!!" (said with great annoyance) (totally not warranted)
M- "Excuse me, please remember to use your manners and talk nicely."
S- "I want mowe gwapes and stwawberries!"
M- "Eat your processed, fake meat, and then you can have more fruit!" (little terd)

Then I started thinking...If he already acts like this, how's it gonna be when he's a teen?! I've heard older mothers/grandparents say before that they'd take a girl til about age 10 and then switch to a boy for preteen/teen years. I started wondering....how am I going to handle acting up when they're much older and bigger? So here are my thoughts.....When Seri is about 11 or 12 yrs. old I'll start taking steroids and lifting weights, so then when she and Samson are full on teens I can totally take them. Then, when they're about 15-ish I'll have the largest custom crib you've ever seen made, complete with a crib tent, of course! If they act up, I'll use my grossly huge muscles to lift them over my head and toss them into the crib and zip it up so they can't get out, and they'll be in a huge timeout. And if I ever catch either of them sneaking out, you better bet they'll be sleeping in this crib every night! If it works now, why not later?????